A miscarriage and what comes next…

I figured I would start the blog off in a go big or go home fashion. So here goes…

I recently had a miscarriage (if you follow my Instagram page then you probably know this). What you probably don’t know is that my husband and I actually wanted to adopt before trying for a 2nd child. I didn’t realize at the time that I might have fertility issues, this was just something we wanted to do. After talking to an adoption agency, we determined this was too expensive for us at the time. Then we had a miscarriage.

I honestly don’t even know when it happened because I didn’t have any bleeding. One week I had an ultrasound and the baby had a heartbeat, the week after it did not. The hardest part of all of this was telling our son he wouldn’t be a big brother right now. He was so excited about the baby. This absolutely crushed me. When we told him he was angry and confused.  He kept saying, “so the baby isn’t in Mommy’s belly anymore? I can’t talk to the baby anymore?” We told him he could still talk to the baby, but he/she was in heaven now.  He was so disappointed and it absolutely broke my heart, but those few months we had together bonding over the baby will always be special to me. That night there was a storm and we looked out the front door to see a rainbow. Now whenever we see rainbows we say the baby is saying “hi” and we all find that comforting. We also got him a stuffed rainbow and he sleeps with it every night. Whenever he tells me “Mommy, I’m sad about the baby.” We grab the stuffed rainbow and squeeze it real tight. 🌈❤

We are pretty sure we want to try one more time. I’m truly not sure if I can handle going through another miscarriage, but I also feel like I need to give my body one more chance. I went for some tests this week. Soon we’ll know if I have hormone issues that could have contributed to the miscarriage. This will also let us know if we’re a lot more likely (than average) to have another miscarriage. I don’t know if the results will change my feelings about trying again or not, I guess only time will tell. I just want my sweet boy to have a sibling. 💔❤

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